Sneak Peak!!! Chapter-17: Relentless restlessness

“……………Lav,  I can’t let my past to affect my present. I have gone through the pain of failed first love..I can’t let you suffer like that……”

“………Dr. Sen runs a charity, “HAPPINESS” which provide free treatment and funds for education of needy girls………He never charge money when a girl child born…. “

“Is he married?”


“Any girlfriend?”

“I guess no one; he never mentioned about or been seen  with anyone.”

“……..I….I would like to marry Lavanya….”

 Aye dil, dil ki duniya mein

Aisa haal bhi hota hai

Baahar koi hansta hai

Andar koi rota hai

Aye dil, koi pehchaana nahin

Kisi ne yeh maana nahin

Kisi ne yeh jaana nahin

Kisi ko bataana nahin

Dard chhupa hai kahan


Oh heart, in the heart’s world

This is the condition

Outside someone is laughing

Inside someone is crying

Oh heart, no one has recognized

No one has believed this

No one has learned this

You are not to show anyone

Where your pain is hidden

Coutsey: Yaadein, Hindi movie

Chapter-16: Desire in our veins

Arnav had a busy day. He was absent from the duties for last three days because of Khushi’s conditions. He had joined today and immediately trapped into loads of works, especially few back to back operations. At around 6:30 in the evening he found free time to get relaxed in his cabin. Leaning on the couch, closing his eyes his mind began its favorite job; thinking about Khushi. Quite expected! She was suffering from the post abortion mental trauma. Both Arnav and Akash did their best to normalize her condition. They had even appointed a counselor for her. However, both the counselor and Arnav himself realized that his presence had agitated her more than anything. It was not that she avoided him but in his presence, it seemed she lost control on herself and began to pressurize everyone for letting her go back to her home, Shyam’s home. Eventually Arnav decided to stay away from her until she became perfectly fit and start realizing her current situation. His trance broke with sudden sound of opening of the door. He groaned with irritation as he was too tired to talk to anyone.

“Dr. Sen; May I come in?”

He heard the voice and all of his tiredness was vanished magically. He admonished with mock anger and got up to take him into a bear hug.

“Dr. Sen! You know well…there’s no need for permission. You are always welcome and I missed you.”

“I missed you too my son. I am sorry for not being there with you. You needed me…still…. I heard about Anjali….”

Dr. Avinash Sen paused for a while and looked at Arnav’s woebegone face.

“I am sorry my son. I was in Europe and it was impossible for me to come back. There were so many presentations, meetings…I know, I should…”

“It’s ok Dad. I am perfectly fine; just bit disturbed with few issues.”

“Yeah…Then fine….I understand, my boy is strong enough to handle any situation…So, we should have boys’ time at my place. Is it okay for you?”

“Dad! I can’t…I mean…. I am tired…”

“No arguments son. I know, you have finished your job. Now come with me…It’s been long we haven’t chat over a drink.”

Arnav knew it never been possible to win an argument with his dad. So he quickly agreed to spend a night at his dad’s place.


Arnav stopped the car in front of his dad’s bunglow and asked him to move ahead as he would be parking the car at the garage. When he entered the bunglow, uncannily Avinash asked him to get freshen first and join the drink later. As soon as he entered his room and switch on the light, he received a wonderful surprise; Lavanya was sitting and sniffing at his bed.

“What the!…You…here….How…Oh….impossible…”

Arnav was shocked beyond his imagination. It was f***ing surprise. He failed to hide his astonishment while Lavanya was looking at everywhere except him. Then heard his father’s amused yet authoritative voice from behind,

“Arnav I told you…even warn you many times…never hurt a beautiful girl. How dared you make her cry?”

Arnav forgot to respond his father and involuntarily his feet slowly moved towards her. Lavanya immediately got up and turned her back towards him. Upon reaching near her, he called out.

“Lav! Look at me”

She nodded in negative, still refused to look at him. Then he put his hand on her shoulder and murmur,

“Lav, please.”

And that was the breaking point. Turning fiercely, hugging him tightly she began to wail like a baby.

“I am sorry Arnav. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I am sorry. Please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you.”

“Shhhh…It’s okay baby…I…I am sorry…I didn’t mean that…I was bit disturbed… I am sorry, Please don’t cry….”

He soothed her back. Avinash witnessed their reunion with a winning smile and left the room after few seconds to provide the much needed privacy to the young lovers. He also had to inform Arti; that women would kill him if he delay.


Arnav sat on the bed and made her sit after she stopped crying. As she placed her head at his left shoulder, her gather her in sideways. They stared at the front window; looking at the slightly smaller moon. Both of them were trying hard to start a conversation which was new in their relationship. Both of them realized that situation is truly uncomfortable. After few minutes, at last Arnav spoke,

“What I said that day, it was unpardonable. I never wanted to hurt you. Mom just called and suddenly accused me with all nonsense issues. That made me mad at you. I am sorry. I….”

“It’s okay Arnav. I know you are in stress. Yet I complained to aunty and she went angry with you. I should have tried to understand you and your situation. I know how much you loved Anjali Di…I ….”

“It’s fine now, Lav. We shouldn’t indulge into such silly fighting. I promise. I won’t hurt you. Never… I…”

Arnav looked at Lavanya and found her upturned face; eyes were shining with expectations. Arnav’s breath got hitched instantly. As he realized her next move he turned still; forgot his speech completely. He gulped hard in trepidation. He knew, it would be wrong to deny her. But, he felt something was not right. Not getting any encouragement from him, she herself took the initiative and moved a bit; almost touching his lips, she whispered seductively,

“Promise! my love. I only love you…won’t fight with you.”

“Lav, we should…”

He tried to move backward while speaking. But he couldn’t able to finish as all in sudden she took his lower lips within her and moved over his lap. It was so unexpected that Arnav lost his balance and fell on the bed with Lavanya on the top. With a reflex he held her waist and Lavanya receive that act as an encouragement. Her left arm began to glide to downwards while she threaded the fingers of her right hand into his hair. Surprisingly Arnav began to feel like cheating someone and resisted her advances. Though he was more powerful than Lavanya, yet he failed to push her back because at that moment Lavanya was using all of her energy into that kiss. Suddenly Arnav’s father appeared to rescue him. As soon as he heard his father calling out his names from the balcony he immediately pushed Lavnaya away from him. She fell beside him and giggled. While she looked amused, Arnav admonished her

“Lav, dad is here… behave….Lets go outside…”

and left the room as fast as he could go, leaving panting and flashed faced Lavanya on the bed. Night was still young.


“What are you doing inside? Still you are in clothes… Hunh…I thought…”

Avinash knew well how to make fun of Arnav. They were more friends than father and son. He handed Arnav a drink and cheers. Arnav rolled his eyes and sat at the sofa.

Dad! Please….Think about your age…

Yeah…You are a lucky fellow…At your age, I was married to you bossy mother and never enjoyed my youth with a beautiful girl.”

Arnav laughed and nodded in negative.

“You are incorrigible dad.”

“So, may I think, now everything is fine?”

Arnav went still instantly. Though he successfully managed to conceal the ongoing tension within his heart, he nodded in affirmation.

“Good! You two are amazingly good together. She’s really a good girl. Don’t fight with her. She loves you a lot.”.

“Yeah! I know.”

“That’s my boy. Now, enjoy.”

Then Avinash change the topic immediately. He was intelligent enough not to rub Arnav in a wrong way. They discussed about many issues regarding patients, nursing home. As usual Avinash made fun of Arti behind her back and that made Arnav laugh after long times. Then Lavanya informed from the dining room that dinner is ready.

Staring at the dishes, Avinash spoke jokingly,

“You two should fight often. It gave me a chance of enjoying the dishes made by your mom.”

While Lavanya giggled but Arnav smiled silently that never reached to his eyes. He was begining to feel tensed. He was sure that he had to spend that night with Lavanya. But his heart and mind were not allowing him to do that. He felt like an urgent need to tell her about Khushi; couldn’t keep her in dark about his past. Avinash noticed that yet ignored because he wanted Arnav to open up with his problems. After dinner, they kept on discussing over two round of drink while Lavanya excused a good night and went to the room which she would be sharing with Arnav. Arnav ignored her movements and indulge himself into more serious discussion with Avinash. At last, Avinash put down his glass on the table and raised his hands in the air.

“Tonight, I am done my boy. I am old and sleepy. You enjoy yourself…” Hugging him and uttered a quick good night and went to his room after switching off the light in Arnav’s request . As soon as Arnav heard his door got closed, his heart began to beat erratically. He stayed rooted at the sofa, staring at the closed door of his own room. Lavanya was waiting for him, yet his limbs felt completely exhausted, denied moving from the place.


Arnav forgot how long he was sitting there in the dark; drinking uncontrollably. Then he heard the door opening and saw her coming out in a satin, wine coloured with deep V neckline thigh length night gown. The satin gown clung to her curves sensuously, showing off the creamy swells of her breasts to perfection. Earlier he would have found himself hardening at that moment but today he felt nothing except an undefined fear engulfed him like a venomous snake. He He knew at once now the time had come; there is no escape. She came directly to him like a hallucination and extended he hand with an open invitation.

Arnav! come. It’s getting late. You have to woke up early in the morning.”

He eyes were on the floor, avoided looking at her. He knew he was drunk and didn’t want to do something wrong. At first he wanted to tell her about Khushi. Then he might… Arnva gulped hard and said.

“Lav you go ahead and sleep. I will have few more drinks.”

“I am not getting any sleep without you. Please! I need you tonight.”

She moved closer and placed her right hand on his head, threading her finger within his hair. When Arnav looked up, he found face almost touching her stomach.

“But Lav..I am tired… I need time…I have to think…I..”

“I know Arnav. Let me heal you; ebb your pain…please.”

As she burrowed his face into her stomach, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Arnav didn’t protest and they stayed mutely. She stroked his hair gently, relieved that her Arnav was finally with her. Slowly she slid down to sit on Arnav’s lap, and burrowed his face into her breast. Arnav didn’t take much time to realize, there was no thread under her satin gown and began to melt within her arms. He rubbed his face on her bosoms as his body stated to harden. Suddenly he found himself near a soaring sea side, wrapped by the salty soothing breeze. Then he heard the most soothing giggle. He opened his eyes and found himself lying on the sand of the Mandarmoni beach, beside Khushi; his doll.

Flash back (8 years back)

It was Aman’s idea to spend a weekend with Anjali and he forced Arnav to come with them. On the other hand Arnav didn’t waste that golden chance to spend time with Khushi. They had been a secret relationship after his birthday night. Therefore, Arnav & Khushi didn’t protest or got angry with Aman when he force them to spend some time at the beach when he & Anjali will be in the room. However, Arnav’s mood was spoiled by his mother who kept calling him in every half an hour. They were lying on the beach, and his phone rang for the 100th times. He groaned with irritation and cut the call. Khushi felt so amused with his situation she started laughing. Like a current, all in sudden something flew through his veins. His heart beat got accelerated at a dangerous speed while holding her stomach Khushi kept laughing abandon; oblivious of the effect of that on Arnav’s mind, body and soul. Without any preamble, groaning loudly, Arnav fiercely rolled over her and slammaed his lips on her. Khushi was so stunned that she gave in immediately and lie under him as a hypnotized soul. She let him took control almost instantly. She couldn’t even able to protest when Arnav bit her lower lip and opened her mouth to provide complete access of every contour. With the time her arms glided through Arnav’s back and moved upto his hair. As soon as she fisted his hair, her body felt something incredible and her tongue started to dwell with Arnav’s, like there is no tomorrow. They stopped when both of them need fresh air to breath. Arnav place his forehead on Khushi, panting hard to breathe properly. He was lying on top of her who was till shivering and panting.

I love you…Doll…I can’t live without you. He said huskily.

I know….and I…

But she couldn’t finish as Arnav’s phone rang, ringtone indicated it was from Aman’s. He took the call and exclaimed What the!

“Yes what the! What are you doing? You mon called me 100 times…Why the hell you are not receiving her call? You spoiled my day. You…Come here and receive her call from my phone. I told her you are in bathroom. Come soon.”

“Okay. we are coming.”

Arnav got up immediately and helped Khushi to stand. She was avoiding looking at him, still shivering as an aftermath of their kiss. Arnav gathered her into his arms and whispered,

“I love you Doll!”

Flashback ends

Suddenly, his trance broke when Lavanya asked in an amused tone,


Arnav looked into her eyes and felt guilty instantly. He closed his eyes and cursed himself silently. Immediately he got up from her who was still lying on the sofa; half naked. Her beautiful eyes began to shimmer with pain with the sudden change of his mood. Then he took her into his arms and explained slowly,

“I am sorry Lav. Please give me some times. I really need to stay alone. Please try to understand. I want to come to you without any baggage of past, pain, betrayal, misunderstands. Please give me some times…”

Suppressing her pain, she hugged him back and nodded in affirmation.


Slowly she released herself from him and took his hands within her and spoke composedly,

“I understand Arnav. I just wanted to ebb your pain. I know how much you loved her. You missed Di very much.”

Arnav stared at her blankly. He stuttered,

“I am tired. I just need…”

“I know. Now stopped drinking and let go to sleep.”

He nodded like an obedient boy. Both of them walked to their room by holding hands. Lavanya turned to close the door and guided Arnav to the bed. Arnav stumbled hard as he was extremely drunk. She helped him lie down after taking his shirt off and pulled a blanket to cover him.

“I am sorry Lavanya. Arnav tried to explain but she placed her finger on his lips.”

“I know.”

Then she closed his eyes with her hand and whispered into his ears,

“I love you. And now I know you will never leave me alone.”

But Arnav drifted into sleep so fast that he failed to hear that. Then she mechanically moved to the other side of the bed and slipped into Arnav’s blanket. Placing her head on his chest, hugging him sideways, she drifted into a dreamless sleep. Carpe Diem!

jab tak tujhe pyaar se

beinteha main bhar na doon

jab tak main duaaoon sa

sau dafa tujhe paDh na loon

until I fill you completely with love

until I read you a hundred times like prayers,

haan mere paas tum raho

jaane ki baat na karo

mere saath tum raho

jaane ki baat na karo

stay close to me,

don’t talk about leaving.

stay with me,

don’t talk about leaving.

Sneak Peak:: Chapter-16: “Desire in our veins”

Like a current, all in sudden something flew through his veins. His heart beat got accelerated at a dangerous speed while holding her stomach Khushi kept laughing abandon; oblivious of the effect of that on Arnav’s mind, body and soul. Without any preamble, groaning loudly, Arnav fiercely rolled over her and slammaed his lips on her. Khushi was so stunned that she gave in immediately and laid under him as a hyponotized. She let him took control almost instantly. She couldn’t even able to protest when Arnav bit her lower lip and opened her mouth to provide complete access of every contour. With the time her arms glided through Arnav’s back and moved upto his hair. As soon as she fisted his hair, her body felt something incredible and her tongue started to dwell with Arnav’s, like there is no tomorrow.

Jab tak tujhe pyaar se

beinteha main bhar na doon

jab tak main duaaoon sa

sau dafa tujhe paDh na loon


until I fill you completely with love

until I read you a hundred times like prayers,


haan mere paas tum raho

jaane ki baat na karo

mere saath tum raho

jaane ki baat na karo


stay close to me,

don’t talk about leaving.

stay with me,

don’t talk about leaving.

Chapter-15: “And the Moon is the only light”

Maybe you get what you wanted, maybe you stumbled upon it.”

~ Coldplay, White Shadows

Arnav saw her sleeping peacefully under influence of sleeping pill. It was around 8 o’ clock at night and had been an extremely emotionally grueling day for both of them. At last, Arnav was successful in convincing her to abort the child. They had to operate her in the afternoon as her parents and Shyam’s parents managed to come back in the morning and almost brainwashed her.  That was hell lot of a drama. As an obvious effect, she tried to back out at the last minute, but a little barking as well as emotional blackmail from a frustrated Arnav was enough to melt her at the end. They once again questioned Khushi’s character and her child’s paternity. When Arnav saw her to try hard in proving her innocence, he could not help but proudly declare that he is the father of that baby. Both her parents and in laws left after cursing them unceremoniously. He had no idea what mad him to declare that but he just wanted to keep her safe and that baby is a danger to her life.

She cried her heart out after regaining her sense. Though he was also constantly cursing himself after seeing her in such unbearable pain, this time Arnav let her cry. Later at the night, she gave in to complete exhaustion due to the continuous emotional turmoil of the last few days. Sleep engulfed her like a protective sheet of quilt at a cold night. Standing in front of the open window to get some fresh air, he gazed at Khushi’s sleeping form and all of a sudden his tiredness just vanished magically. He switched off the lights and glanced at her face. She was looking ethereal in the moon light coming through the window. He was always enthralled by her beauty, simplicity and innocence. She was the only girl who could still make him insane with primal desire to quiet and composed in love at the same moment. Then the very 8 years old questions again erupted at his mind. Why didn’t he get that place in her heart which Shyam had reigned over? And where did Shyam get the courage to crush her heart so brutally? Arnav never understood the reason; why she couldn’t love him back the way he did. Why was that creeper able to win her for a life time? In what aspect did a charmer, Arnav Sen lag behind Shyam? He hoped that one day he would be able to get his answers. He released his long time suppressed breath and remember those beautiful moments together which were buried in the deep dark corner of his heart.


Flash back (8 years back)

Almost one month had passed since that memorable night of Aman’s birthday party. If somebody had told Arnav that he was living in 7th heaven, he would have been sure that it was not completely true. Actually he was flying like a free bird after getting closer to Khushi with each passing day. But Arnav’s feelings were totally one sided at that point. Mainly Arnav asked Khushi out for several casual jalebi-dates, for which Khushi agreed without any hesitation. Initially, it was once a week, and then twice, and eventually they started meeting almost every day, oblivious to others; especially Aman & Anjali. Arnav picked her up from either metro stations or from distant bus stops. But Khushi’s jovial attitude during those meetings was making him gutsier. Therefore, while crossing the road he could easily entwined his fingers with her, or sometimes in a crowded place he could casually put a protective arm around her shoulders. Without any hesitation, he could remove the disturbing bangs from her forehead while talking. He felt content for not finding Khushi to be refractory to his touches. But it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. His bubbling desires made him more impatient to keep her with him forever. Actually, he irrecoverably fell in love with her while she seemed totally unknown or kind of ignorant to his feelings.


One evening, Arnav took her to Millennium Park. They were sitting under a poinciana tree, within the serene breeze of river Ganga. Khushi was oblivious about his state of mind and talking animatedly regarding her forthcoming exam. Holding his breath, closing his eyes he spoke up suddenly,

“I think I have started feeling for you which is more than mere friendship. I think it’s love. I know you …”

“Arnav!”  Khushi was shocked but her eyes were displaying remorse instead of any anger. Then Arnav realized that those luminous hazel eyes were misting up. He felt extremely ashamed of himself and started blabbering,

“I….I am sorry. Really, very sorry. It won’t happen again. Please don’t break this friendship. I will be alone without you. After Mama & papa’s separation, you are the only one who has given me any emotional support. Please. Don’t break this friendship.Pl…” He couldn’t able to complete as he found himself in Khushi ’s tight embrace and her hot breath near his neck.

Threading her fingers into Arnav’s silky hair in an assuring way, she whispered in a trembling voice.

“Arnav! Please don’t say sorry. I expected and desired this moment. Even I want to continue our friendship. But we shouldn’t cross the line. Please try and understand. I am older than you. It’s not possible. It won’t look good. I am not worthy of you. You deserve the best girl. Please, try to understand. I have never received this much love and attention from anyone in my life since my mother’s death. You give me a reason to laugh again. I need you in my life. I can’t allow our friendship to be ruined by ‘love’. I can’t afford to be in a relationship. I tried to hard to keep a distance from you. But I failed miserably. I can’t afford to love anyone. I have to fulfill my mother’s dream and look after my family too. Anything which is more than friendship will not lead us anywhere except for the shame it will bring for our families. My parents will stop sponsoring my education if they hear anything wrong about me. Anything between us, if it is ‘love’ then it is completely wrong. Please, Arnav. Please don’t love me. That day I kissed you because I was emotionally compromised conditioned. Still I wonder how I have done that. I was carried away by your help. I never loved you. ”

She had started sobbing softly. This time, Arnav also hugged her back slowly. She continued without resisting his hug,

“We aren’t meant to be together. We have no future together except shame. Our parents, society won’t allow us. I need to fulfill my dream first. I have lots of duties for my family. But I need your friendship not your…”

Controlling himself from further mental break down by Khushi ’s painful rejection he stopped her midway,

“ Shhh… Please don’t cry. I am sorry for making you cry. Please.”

Then slowly holding her chin up with his right index finger, he told her,

“I hate myself for being the reason for the wastage of these precious pearls.”

Then he started wiping her tears.

“I will always be with you. I can’t promise you that I won’t love you. But I assure you I won’t let it hamper our friendship or your dreams. I promise, won’t let anyone know about it. Please ‘doll’, don’t cry.”

Releasing herself from Arnav’s arms and wiping her tears with her knuckles, she asked immediately,

‘Doll?’ She was completely surprised.

Wiping the traces of tears from her checks with his index finger, he told her,

“Ummm…it’s a secret. Actually the first time I saw you, I thought you are a living doll which I want to keep with me” he chuckled with a mischievous glint in his eyes..

“Stupid!” she declared instantly while rolling her eyes with mock anger.


She averted her gaze and smiled serenly. Arnav murmured huskily,

“Seriously. Ahhh…Idea. From now on, I will call you doll. That’s final. You can’t stop me from that.”

“No.” She looked back in horror.

“Yes. Yes. Yes. Everything is fair in this friendship. You can’t stop me” he said making a cute pouty face which was enough to melt Khushi ’s heart.

“Ok. But it’s only for you. Don’t you dare spread this name.”

“As you wish, My DOLL”

He winked at her. Both of them burst into laughter, although Arnav felt a twinge inside his chest. That night he could not sleep properly, his mind tortured with thoughts of his ‘Doll,’ who would never love him back.


Flash back ends

A sudden gust of rain brought him to the real world. It was raining heavily outside. Immediately closing the window, Arnav reclined in the couch near Khushi ’s bed and soon a dreamless sleep completely grabbed him. Life is a full of circle. Again he was at a point where he was drawing his every single breath only for Khushi and no one else. He couldn’t let her go this time. He would completely lose his sanity if he was to lose her again this time.


In her deep slumber suddenly she felt an unquenchable thirst which brought her back to her senses. Looking at her semi dark surroundings she realized it was almost dawn. Her room was slightly enlightened with mild sun rays. Then her eyes fell upon a peacefully sleeping most handsome yet innocent face. ‘Arnav’. Still he managed to look innocent like a baby while sleeping. Once, this name was enough to increase her heart beat beyond any limit. Once, she had loved him neglecting all her dreams, rules determined by the society. He deserved to be cherished by love, and she unabashedly reciprocated his love. She loved him more than her life. Like a moth she had jumped into a flame called ‘Arnav’. He was a forbidden fruit and she consumed that to satiate her hunger for real love. But she was destined to stay apart from him. She left him because she loved him more than her life. Every day she silently prayed for his successful life & dreams while she punished herself to undergo into the complete destruction through Shyam.


She recalled those moments when she secretly kissed at those pouting lips during his deep slumbers or post coitus & unknowingly a faint smile appeared on her face. Drawing a deep breath, she thought Arnav & his love wasn’t meant for her as she was cursed forever. She had realized then & even now that Arnav was a guiding star in her life which always had driven away all the darkness from her life. Those blissful moments which she had spent with Arnav wouldn’t ever come back. She had lost them permanently. Now she couldn’t even cross these five feet between them, even though she used to be the proud owner of that beautiful heart eight years ago. She hoped he had moved on and accidentally bumped to her on that fateful day. Closing her eyes she murmured in disgust

“Shyam, you have tainted my existence despite my faithful effort to love you back. I never succeeded to love you. Now you are not even worthy of my hatred.”

Then again opening her eyes she looked at Arnav’s face and remembered their first kiss, that rapturous moment of being marked as Arnav’s.

Flashback (8 years back)

“Khushi , we need your help.”

Khushi curiously looked at both Aman& Anjali. They had apologized for the incident, and this was more than enough to melt Khushi ’s heart. Aman smiled at her and spoke,

“Actually Aroti aunty asked me to organize a surprise birth day party.”

“Huh? Aroti aunty? Birthday party; whose?” Khushi was totally confused.

Anjali spoke in irritation,

“Duffer, next Sunday it is the 20th birth day of our prince of Sen villa. His mother, I mean Aroti aunty asked us to help her organize a grand party. You have to, have to, help us. ”

“Ohh..That’s great. But they are really rich and their party must be a lavish one. I have no idea how to arrange… I won’t feel comfortable. I ….”

“Khushi don’t be stupid. He’s also your friend after all. We have Aman with us. Sometimes your behavior is really irritating and tacky.”

As usual, Khushi immediately said ‘Okay.’

She couldn’t explain to anyone that something had changed between Arnav and her after his confession. Although both of them were trying hard to be normal in front of others, they could feel all sorts of tensions and unstoppable attractions were building up at an enormous amount between them. Both of them consciously avoided to meet each other outside of social settings.


Since entering the Arnav’s ancestral house, “Sen Mahal’ on Friday afternoon, every second was a speechless moment for Khushi. Sen family was royals during, may be before British rule. They were so much richer than one could even imagine at any moment. Though they lost their land yet stay as rich as they were earlier. Now Arnav was their only heir apparent. Khushi felt that her every step inside that house was pushing her away from Arnav. She wasn’t even worthy of Arnav at any sense. Khushi tried hard to ignore Arnav’s love but failed miserably. Although it was wrong to feel for a boy younger than her, Khushi’s stubborn stupid heart couldn’t stop beating for Arnav. Khushi ’s trance broke when Anjali nudged her forward to introduce her to Arnav’s parents.

“Hii, I am Aroti Sen. He’s Avinash. You must be Khushi and Anjali? Arnav always tells about both of you. He considers Anjali as if his long time lost sister. Thanks for taking care of my child.”

“Arti, he’s my child too.” Senior Sen hissed with mock anger displaying his killer smirk. Right then, Khushi understood from where Arnav got his good look and aristocratic attitude. Khushi was nervous in front of his parents. Aroti Sen was extremely beautiful as well as conscientious, convivial and Arnav was just a carbon copy of his father. However, with age, Mr. Sen looked even more distinguished and aristocrat than Arnav.  Khushi always missed her mother and at this moment, she felt envious of Arnav for having such loving parents. She heard from Anjali that they were separated, but came together to organize this party only because of Arnav.  Her respect for them grew with each passing minute.


They had spent an awesome evening together planning and preparing things for the next day. Khushi forgot every single tension from her life. She was surprised to see that how they had captured every single moment of Arnav’s last 20 years which they were going to show at the party. Then she heard about the gifts they have decided for Arnav. Her heart sank completely into despair. Even Anjali had bought a golden bracelet for him, while his parent had planned to give him a brand new car. Aman and his family had planned to give him a brand new cell phone. She was only able to buy a tie pin, worth only about Rs.1000 that she had saved from her pocket money. Again she had to think about the magnum impossibility of her relationship with Arnav. She tried to make herself convinced that she had no right to love him back.


Khushi wore her favorite dress for that night, a red anarkali, but she wasn’t feeling comfortable at all. Although she planned not to attend the party, Anjali forced her like anything. Her sixth sense was telling her that something big is going to happen. When she reached at Sheesh Mahal she saw Arnav, looking dashing in a black Armani with deep blue shirt. He was standing with his parents discussing something with them. With her throbbing heart she was approaching him when someone called from her back.

“Khushi .”

“Hi, Akash. How are you?”  She asked in surprise and wasn’t feeling comfortable talking to him.

“We are family friends.” He said looking at Arnav. The looking back at her he added,

“Look! I… I am sorry Khushi . Please forgive me. I was attracted to you and hoped to tell you about my feelings. So I asked for their help. But they ended up with such rubbish plan. I am so sorry. Please.”

Khushi wasn’t able to think more as she was always timid and didn’t talk much with new people. So to avoid further conversations, she immediate nodded in affirmation and told him,

“It’s ok. I understand. Please don’t do this again.” She was turning back to leave when again Akash asked her extending his hand,

“Can we be friends? Please.”

Khushi could feel a pair of caramel chocolate brown eyes burning her from the back. But ignoring that and in a totally un-Khushi like manner, she instantly held Akash’s hand.

‘Yes. Of-course.’

She shook his hand as well as her head in a really odd pace. Immediately they had to turn back as Aman started shouting over the mike.

“Hey People!! Here you have gathered to dedicate a beautiful memorable night for Arnav. Let’s dance for our hero of the night, our Arnav. It’s his favorite song. Still don’t know for whom he always listen or sings this song. But today we all dance and wish him all the luck for his future. Please find your partner and join in the dance floor.”

Suddenly with the advent of the soothing music, all the light went off except a dim bluish

light in the makeshift dance floor at the garden. Before she could fathom the sudden change in the environment, Khushi felt a pull in her hand which was held by Akash. Instantly she had to land on Akash who had already snaked his hand into her tiny waist. “Let’s dance” Akash whispered, fanning his breath between her ear and cheek, making her shudder in tension. Time was moving so fast that she had land on next event before she could protest for previous. But to match the pace, she had to groove her body as directed by Akash’. It was Let me be your hero?By Enrique Iglesias (Hero). When the song ended, the place was enlightened again. But Khushi ’s heartbeat came to a halt seeing Arnav standing just behind Akash and looking intently at her while holding his mother in a tight embrace. Khushi wasn’t able to breathe when she noticed his eyes, which reflected no emotions. However those turned into stones as soon as she felt Akash’s breath near her check with a slight touch of his lips. The she heard him saying, “Thank you.” But Khushi ’s eyes were glued on Arnav’s.  She easily comprehended the changes of shades colors in his eyes with each passing seconds. Initial ignorance was replaced by rage then instantly with fear. She became completely breathless seeing the fright of losing everything in Arnav’s eyes when Akash kissed her at her check without her permission. He was looking completely distressed as well as helpless. Involuntarily she roughly pushed Akash away from her & refusing to look at him she murmured in an inaudible voice,

“I need to go to rest room. Bye”

Then ignoring his call, she ran out from garden & reached near a staircase at the farthest corner of the house, eventually ascended to the roof top of ‘Sen Mahal’. When she realized that she couldn’t run anymore, then she sat down on the floor & started crying hiding her face within her palms & stuttered,

“I shouldn’t love Arnav. I can never have him. These feelings shouldn’t belong with me.”



She jolted back hearing that husky and concerned voice. Standing on her shaking legs, without turning to the source of that voice she softly said,

“Please, go. Leave me alone.”

“Did he hurt you? Are you okay? ” His voice was plane and that hurt her more. An strange anger rose within her heart.

She nodded in the negative but firmly said, “Please go.” Still avoided to look at him.

“He’s really a nice guy and he’s also elder than you. He loves you. You will be happy with…”

Controlling her anger, she harshly said, “Please go”

“He will make you happy. He is good…”

This time she ordered him in a low as well as strained voice, “Just go away.”

“He really cares for you. He is the best…..”Before he could complete his sentence he had been roughly pushed to the back which made him almost stumble.

“Hey, Doll what?” He asked in full confusion.

“So you are happy. You are happy seeing me with someone. You are happy seeing him touching me.”

“Doll, look, I am sorry. Please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. We are friends and he is a good guy. ”

“So, you were happy when he touched me. Kissed me.”

But Khushi was mad with extreme rage. She wasn’t paying heed at all. She was behaving completely insane. With her every word, she began to hit him on his chest, pushing him back, making him stumble and move backwards until he hit the wall

“D..Doll..look … Listen to me…I am sorry. Please forgive me..” .

She was screaming and crying in abandon.

“Get lost.” She held the lapels of  the collar of his shirt.

“Doll…it’s okay. I am so sorry. I won’t tell again.”

I don’t want to see your face.  She jerked him roughly.

“Oh…No…I mean Please forgive me”

I hate you. I hate you…I hate…” She declared  at the top of her voice.

She couldn’t complete her sentence, as her words were instantly buried within Arnav’s desperate, hungry lips. At first Khushi went numb with this sudden attack but within a few seconds she recovered. Unknowingly giving him the proper access, she leaned back and held his shoulders for support. Instinctively she circled her arms around his neck and joined him with equal fervor. It was the first kiss for both of them but they tasted each other as if there is no tomorrow. Their tongues battled like they were fighting with a ferocious enemy. Neither of them wanted to lose. Few minutes later, Khushi tried to free herself to get some fresh air, but was roughly pulled back on Arnav’s chest, as he continued to kiss her senseless. Arnav left her when he himself felt faint due to lack of air. Still holding her waist tightly; he placed his forehead on hers. Their breathing was ragged and irregular. Tightly holding his shoulder and hiding her face on his chest and refusing to look at him, she said in despair,

“This is not right…Arnav…This is not…”

She sobbed like a baby, while her body was shaking vigorously. He let her cry for some times holding her in his tight embrace. After when her cry had died down, he held her face up. Wiping her tears with his thumbs & slowly removing some stray bangs from her checks, Arnav hold her chin between his thumb and index finger. At first he looked at her with love & desired filled eyes and then without a word he again started placing feathery kisses all over her face which she didn’t protest.

“Ohhh…This is right. Actually this is the best night. Best birthday gift I have ever get because this is you what I receive. It was always you from the moment I saw you. It will be always you for as long as I am going to live. I love you. Doll, I can’t live without you. You are the only one, the right one for me, forever.

Khushi couldn’t resist anymore and this time, holding his face with her trembling palms she stood on her toes and captured his lips with full fervor. Forgetting the whole world around them, every single forbidden path, all the social rules in their life, giving negligible thought for their future, they cherished the most unforgettable moment in their life and promised each other to start a blissful journey of love.  At that dark night, under the jet black sky where moon was the only source of light, their entwined bodies started glowing divinely by moonlight being wrapped with the slightly misty breeze. ‘CARPE DIEM’


They both joined the party later, after exploring each other’s taste again and again, like savoring a delicious rare food after fasting for ages. To avoid unwanted and embarrassing questions, Khushi spent more than half an hour in the rest room, trying to bring herself back in a presentable condition as well as to avoid embarrassing questions about her red, & swollen lips. For the rest of the night, each and every moment was uncomfortable for her, as Arnav shamelessly feasted his eyes upon her, like a predator. She was burning under the gaze of those caramel hungry eyes of a twenty year old tiger, who had first time tasted blood. When Khushi was leaving with Anjali, Arnav hugged both of them to bid them good night, but slyly whispered in her ear,

“That ‘kiss’ was the best birthday present ever in my life.”

Flash back ends:

Khushi jerked back into the reality with a sudden sound, realizing that Arnav was groaning and moving to accommodate himself into a more comfortable position on the small couch where he was lying on. She felt a pang in her chest, a slight guilt at having to bring him again into this mess of her life. She saw him to shiver a little, and not being able to hold herself back, she hurriedly covered the five feet distance between them, and draped a blanket on him with the utmost care. She felt content seeing the appearance of faint, baby like smile on his face with this sudden warmth. As she stood there, she didn’t realize that once again, Arnav had become successful in making her cross all forbidden lines.


Chapter-14: “Priority”

It’s 9 pm, not his working hour, yet Arnav cut her call again for the 4th time in that evening. Lavanya had no idea why he had begun to ignore her after Anjali’s death. Why did he become busy all of a sudden? Their regular conversations over the phone had turned into formal ones as if they were just good friends.  She was only able to meet him twice, once at Anjali’s funeral and once at Aroti aunty’s place. There, he didn’t even look at her properly. He even came late at the dinner and left early making an excuse for not able to drop her. He was continuously either typing into his phone or talking over the bluetooth. Before leaving, when Lavanya hugged him, he was reluctant to hug her back. She clearly sensed the lack of interest from his side. Their earlier good-byes had always ended with sensuous kisses. Was he repenting about their sudden engagement plan? With this thought, Lavanya’s eyes involuntarily filled with tears. She couldn’t live without Arnav. He should understand that she never forced or asked him either to marry or even love her. She only wanted to stay with him. Arnav was like a life-saving drug to her. She couldn’t think of even taking a breath without him. She dialed a number and when the person from the other side responded, she began to brawl like a lost child.


It was around 11:30pm. Arnav was dozing off at the couch beside Khushi ’s bed when suddenly his phone started ringing.  Looking at the caller he grunted in full irritation

Not again.

Then he noticed creases on Khushi ’s forehead and quickly came out from her room. Standing at the adjacent window he accepted the call.

Hello Mamma. what…..”

What the hell are you thinking or doing? Who has given you the right to break an innocent heart? You are just like your papa, selfish, manupulative. After fulfilling your every need you are just throwing her away. Disgusting! Now I hate myself for being your mother. I…”

Mrs.Aroti Sen couldn’t complete her rant as Arnav barked at her with full disgust.

Then start hating yourself and also asked your darling to start hating me. Let me live in peace. Yes, I am selfish. Tell her that I have used her. She meant nothing in my life. Both of you should leave me alone. Am I done with all your questions?

Saying this he cut the call. He was really pissed off with his mother’s continuous nagging, her uncanny support for Lavanya. Arnav Sen was shivering with his usual murderous rage. His anger often made him act without thinking and ultimately lead him regretting his impulsive decisions later. And at that moment, he instinctively did that. He dialed Lavanya’s number and did what he shouldn’t.


Aunty, Arnavs calling. Should I take the call? Lavanya asked in her sobs. She heard the whole conversation between Arnav and his mom as the call was on speaker. Tonight she was staying at her place. Aroti Sen robotically nodded her head in affirmation as she was completely stunned by Arnav’s behavior. Arnav never did this to her except once, that almost 8 years back. Why? Why all of sudden has he changed so much? Her trance broke with Lavanya’s sharp cry. She saw her crying in complete despair while tightly holding the phone near her heart as her life was in that phone. She started screeching like insane when Aroti reached in to hold her into embrace.

He hates me. He just told me. He doesnt want to see my face. He wants to end everything. Aunty, I will die. I cant live without him. Please tell him. I wont disturb him anymore. Please tell him I will die without him. I love him. Just ask him to stay with me.

Aroti Sen couldn’t hold herself back. Hugging back Lavanya this time she also cried. In her own sob she continued to console Lavanya.

Shhh…No darling…dont cry…I will talk to him. He must be in some tension. It was my fault for nagging him to this extent. I will tell him. No need to worry. I know him very well. He said all this because he is angry with me. I pressurized him to this extent. Please dont cry. I will manage.

Then releasing Lavanya from her embrace, wiping her tears hastily, she called Avinash. At first she squalled over the phone and then spoke,

Pleases come here, my place. Its urgent. Its about our baby. Please.

Her voice was almost chocked in last few words. She cut the call without giving him a chance to reply.


After half an hour, Arnav went to cafeteria to get rid of the unwanted headache which occurred due to that disturbing call. A strong black coffee alone He realized that he had committed an unpardonable mistake. He cursed himself for committing that shameless act just half an hour back. He shouldn’t do this to Lavanya. She’s extremely vulnerable about this relationship. They were supposed to get engaged very soon.

“F**k” He cursed himself loudly. With this thought, he was about to dial Lavanya’s number again but interrupted by a nurse.

Sir, patient no.104 was looking for you.

“Huh?” He looked at her in confusion.

Sir, actually your patient was….”

She couldn’t able to finish as Arnav frantically sprinted towards Khushi ’s room.


“Are you ok?” Arnav asked from the door with irregular breaths as he had run all way. She nodded in affirmation.

Do you need anything? Approaching closer to her and sitting at the side on her bed, he asked with a worried face.

“Umm.. Arnav. Thanks.”

He looked at her, completely baffled with this reply.

Thanks for showing me the right path. I shouldnt bring my baby into this hell. Others wont let my baby live in peace because of Shyams deed.”

Arnav was still perplexed with her sudden change of demure.

Umm. Actually I want to go home. They should know the actual truth. I cant let Shyam win anymore He shouldnt get a clean chit after playing with my life. I am really tired of being so helpless throughout my life. This time I want to hear my heart.

Her eyes were teary. Arnav stared at her without blink. Things were changing rapidly around them. Silently & swiftly he reached to her and hauled her into his broad chest. He realized that although she was reluctant to hug him back but she wasn’t resisting him to do that. To sooth her inner pain, he moved his right hand up and down over the length of hair extended over her back. Increasing little pressure of his embrace he stuttered,

Doll, you have already won as you are with me. You are completely safe with me. No need to go or talk to anyone. Let them think what they want. Theres no need to prove you right in front of them. You have suffered a lot. They wont realize just how precious you are. Your baby knew that you love him more than your life. He is your priority. That’s why you let him go to.


Chapter-13: “Breathing in heaven”

It might be less if someone thought that Arnav Sen could commit a murder. He felt like killing Shyam once again, even after his death. After a thorough discussion on Khushi ’s recent reports & condition with Akash, he reached to the conclusion that he should kill Akash too, along with that dead bustard. It has been 2 weeks after Shyam & Anjali’s death. Everything, every priority, every relation in Arnav’s life had changed; had taken a back seat since he met Khushi after 8 f***ing years. Arnav’s full time job had become to make everything perfect for Khushi. Although he hesitated during the first week and was not a regular visitor at Sarkar Mansion, but still he couldn’t stay away from Khushi, especially when he knew she was in distress. He had lost her once before, but not again. She was not his and he had moved several light years from her in between but he couldn’t stay away from her.

He detached himself from everyone including Lavanya. He understood he was not doing right with Lavanya but he very much needed a complete closure from Khushi which he failed 8 years back.  It would be possible if he made her life beautiful again. He just informed Lavanya about his sudden busy schedule and purposely hid the exact truth. Sometimes, especially when he was with Khushi, he had to ignore her calls. He owed his life to Lavanya and did not want to drag her into his past mess. He didn’t want another complication in his life as he solely wanted to concentrate on Khushi & her well being. Arnav was also glad that this time his mother, Mrs. Aroti Sen had saved Lavanya’s dignity from her family by lying that she was at her home when Anjali went for that fateful trip. He really felt for that poor soul and he hated himself for putting her in these mess, but he couldn’t ignore Khushi. She was his first priority.


Why? You are a doctor! Arent you? Why did you allow her to continue this?

Arnav’s eyes were spitting fire while he was holding Khushi ’s reports.

“Look Arnie, I didnt allow her.. She was suffering from heavy bleeding, severe pelvic pain, and dizziness from the begining. I told her to abort because she would suffer from ‘tubal pregnancy’. I also informed her, this will lead to her death. But she was so stubborn to keep this baby. She even stopped consulting me from last month.

Did Shyam know this?

Yes. Definitely. I personally called him, requested to think about Khushi and stop her to ruin her life. But I didnt understand their relationship. I always felt something was missing between them. I realized Khushi was truly intimidated by him. But he showed to be in so much love with her. Khushi wasnt happy with him at all. She has lost all her sparks. Now Shyam and Anjalis news…..”

“Its over. Now she needs to abort her child as early as possible. I cant take a risk of her life.

Akash was extremely surprised hearing Arnav’s authoritative declaration.

Are you mad Arnav? Firstly, we have to inform her family. We need to take their permission. After all, they have to decide…”

Arnav again cut him short raising hand up in the air.

Her family? Pardon me! It is her family who left her to die with this pregnancy; even refused her to give food to complete some irritating rituals for the sake of that Shyam’s soul. I can’t take any more risk. Its final. Let me handle this situation.


Sashi babu your daughter is shameless. First she nibbled our son, then immediately she called her lover for fun. Now I can understand why my son went to another woman. He might have realized her secret liason. At-least that girl, Anjali was committed to him; loved him.

Soumen Sarkar was shouting at the top of his voice. He desperately needed something to get a clean chit for his son’s shameless deed. He loved his only son and his brain dictated him to put all the blame on Khushi.

Please sir. My daughter really loved Shyam. She always did those which he wanted. After all shes bearing his baby, your heir. Please dont say this. It might affect her baby.

Sashi Gupta began to beg. He couldn’t afford a pregnant woman in his home even if she was his daughter. Soumen Sarkar was his boss and his family’s future was fully dependent on Sarkar family’s wealth.

“ Yeah. Truly. I thought it was his. But now I even have major doubt about that baby.

But he couldn’t explain more and cut short then and there.


Arnav roared like a lion. He just came to inform them, Khushi immediately needed an abortion. But when he heard these accusations against Khushi, instantly his blood began boiling and as usual he lost his temper. His eyes searched for Khushi & saw her sitting on the floor with a defeated, flushed and ashamed face. She was intently looking at the floor and tears were flowing abandon. He couldn’t fathom the scene. He marched towards her and yanked her into his arms. Wrapping her into his tight embrace he turned towards all elders of that house.

“Dont you dare to say anything against her. It was your son who had been playing with her emotions and life and I don’t proof of that.

He realized that Khushi was trembling, holding the collars of his shirt.

Who are you to say this? That too, about our son in law? This girl is always a problem; brings bad omens for others.

Manorama shouted back. Holding Khushi more tightly, he replied,

I am a person who knows she is a human. As her true well-wisher, I also know your son in law was a jerk; you too failed miserably to become a woman; a mother. I have no doubt in my realization.

Khushi began to sob hiding her face at his chest. Her body had almost given up and it was becoming cold. Arnav realized that she might faint anytime.

Look, Mr.Sen, let leave us alone. You are no one to talk about our family matter.

Sashi Gupta had raised his voice probably for the 1st time in his life, that for a wrong reason.

“Yes I am. I cant let her die for some ungrateful people. Shes your daughter. How could you let her die. Her pregnancy…”

“Its none of your business. Please leave this place. Leave her alone.

This time Sashi cut him short even more loudly. He moved towards them to free her from Arnav’s hold. Arnav was not surprised with their behavior but he became more enraged when Khushi tried to cluttched his collar when Sashi was approaching to free her from Arnav’s hold. Looking down at her he asked her in a soft but stern tone,

What the hell were you thinking? You were going to sacrifice your life for these people? They never bothered about you; your life. You were going to sacrifice your life to give them a heir of their almost impotent son.

He had started caressing her head.  Then looking at everyone except Khushi, he announced,

“She was going to sacrifice her life with this pregnancy knowing that she may die during the delivery or before that.”

Everyone remained silent as if that was a small piece of unimportant news. Arnav swear silently and continued.

“As you all know her condition, now she needs to abort her child. May be tomorrow.

She cant. She has to keep this baby.” Madhumati roared this time. “It’s our son’s last sign. She cant.”

Arnav painfully smiled at her.

“Its mine. Mr. Sarkar has just doubted about this baby’s father few minutes back. This baby became mine from that moment you doubted Khushi’s sacrifice.”

Khushi shuddered hearing his blatant reply. She tried to open her mouth in protest but lost her voice. Still holding her tightly Arnav continued.

Mr.Sarkar. Her baby is mine. Only mine. Your son has no right on this babay. And now I want her to abort this child as early as possible. Your son was a coward and greedy. He..  Before he could complete his sentence, Khushi had fainted into his arms.


Arnav immediately informed Akash and admitted her in his nursing home. As expected, nobody came from Gupta and Sarkar family. Before leaving that place, Arnav properly assured them that they didn’t need to think about her anymore and they could do anything they wanted but Khushi was going to abort her child. They cursed both her, him, yet never gave a second thought on that poor soul how she had suffered by their son. Except that baby, Khush lost every connection from her so called families while she was not in her true sense.


It was around midnight. Holing her hand he was sitting in the chair beside Khushi’s bed, where she was sleeping like an innocent child after being treated with a mild sedative. She had been crying her heart out for the last few hours. She screamed like an insane person, bawling like a baby saying that she couldn’t live without this child. He had to give her sleeping pills. He had taken a sudden decision but he had no idea how to proceed with that. He was not alone anymore, now Lavanya’s life is tangled with his. However, he desperately needed to plan for a beautiful picture for Khushi. His trance broke as his phone was buzzing. Lavanya -calling. Looking at Khushi, he saw creases on her forehead, as if that sudden sound disturbing her. Closing his eyes tightly and taking a deep breath he immediately cut Lavanya’s call and switched it off. He recalled the conversation which he had with Khushi just few hours back.


Arnav, why are you doing this? You should leave me alone. After all it’s my life.  She has just got back to her senses after reaching the clinic.

“I cant. Once I let you go as you wished. Now I am seeing how great you have been for last seven years.”

Arnav. You cant say this. It’s Shyam’s last….

I know you never loved me. It was just a mere infatuation for you. But I loved you then. I know things have changed a lot between us. You.. I… may not love you…..Still, I cant let this happen to you. I do care for your life, even after what you did to me. You have to abort this child and this time I am damn serious.

“I wont. You have no right to force me.”Khushi s eyes were red and sparking with anger.

You have to.

Who the hell are you? You are no one to decide about my fate, my baby. If my husband was alive…

Displaying his deadly smirk Arnav answered her.

At least I am not your Shyam who left you to die and went to other woman. I cant let you die. You are going to abort this mess of your so called love. Am I clear this time?


 She couldnt utter anymore words. Tears had started trailing down her checks.

Please dont do this to me. I cant live without my baby.Let me keep this baby. I…am alone.

Khushis tears were always a breaking point for Arnav. He never could see her cry. Yet to put her brain at the right direction, holding her shoulders in a tight grip and shaking her violently he roared at her.

Stop this nonsense, Ok. This time I will kill both myself and you. Last time you didnt bother to see me when I fighting with death at the hospital. You left me and went to make love with your so called love of your life, Shyam. I died several deaths when I found you medicine store with contraceptive pills. You didn’t even bother to show any concern; I was standing on a clutch then. Why didn’t you try to become pregnant then? You were so sure that he would be your husband; slept with him happily before your marriage…”

 He paused a bit and let out few harsh words with a hidden novel interest.

“ Now you are alone. He has gone after rewarding you a shameful life. But I am a sensible man. I cant let you follow him, leaving me dejected, defeated all over again. Did you get my point? Tomorrow morning, you are going to abort this child. Thats final.”

Pointing at he abdomen he said scathingly,

“That you owed me this; you played with my life, emotions 8 years back. Ruined me every possible way. It’s your time to get beck what you did to me.”

He was huffing due to lack of breath and high with excitement. Khushi had turned completely numb after hearing Arnavs declarations and all accusations. Her tears trailed down from her eyes like water flowing from a broken damp. Immediately realizing his mistake, he pulled her trembling body into his arms, cupping her head near his heart with one hand he stared caressing her hair while.

Doll. Please. Please, I beg you. Please abort this baby.

 Then holding her face with his palms he told

I always asked your wish before doing anything. I was always with you in your every decision. But this time I cant let you fulfill your wish because you are asking your death. I cant allow that. Will you…”

Suddenly removing herself from his embrace she turned her face towards the photos of babies which were hanging on the wall. Looking at those with wistful eyes,

I am feeling sleepy.Arnav please leave me alone.” 

Arnav became hell shocked. She continued in a broken deadpan voice,

As your wish, tomorrow I will kill my baby. I deserve this for what I did to you.I cant bring my baby into this hell. I want my baby to breathe in heaven. Its my punishment for what I have done to you. Eight years ago, I ruined your life by snatching your innocence. I wont repeat that mistake. You owe me then. I will kill my baby for what I have done to you. I deserve this cursed life.

Doll..Please. I didnt mean that. I..

I want to sleep. My baby needs to breath in heaven.  Please go. Dont worry; tomorrow I will kill my baby. I should be punished for my deed. I don’t want a cursed future for my baby. I will give him a heaven.


Looking at her serene beauty Arnav murmured,

You didnt ruin my life. Doll, you cant. You gifted me the heaven in the form of your love. I was breathing in heaven with you. Without you, my surroundings turned into hell. Lavanya came and brought peace in my life, gave me strength to live again. But my whole existence remained incomplete after you left me.

Chapter-12: “Tender Touch”

On his way to deceased Shyam Sarkar’s bedroom along with Sashi Gupta, Arnav assimilated an unfathomable enormous weight within his heart. It supposed to be the room where his doll once shared with the love of her life. But after entering the room he felt, he should have died ages ago. His immediate view was Khushi & Shyam’s portrait where he was planting a kiss at her red cheek & she was blushing shyly. Arnav felt an unstoppable urge to break that photo as well as Shyam’s face. Despite of all her refusal, still he couldn’t see any one touching her. Suddenly he understood that he was lucky enough for not meeting Shyam within his life time.

But the next view made him comprehended, there was a season for him finding & observing all these tormenting truths. Khushi was sitting on her bed holding a pillow tightly near her chest. Her silky hairs were opened and flying in the soothing air. She was devoid of all colors and ornaments and her eyes were down casted; looking intently towards the floor. Even Arnav’s presence had no effect on her. This sight was unbearable for Arnav. He always imagined her in bright colors and white was always unwanted there. He knew that, in white his doll could look like a dove but he never preferred white for her.

Who did this to you?

Arnav asked her while controlling a murderous rage. Who knew him very well they always avoided the wrath of Arnav Sen. But with Khushi, Arnav behaved differently. He couldn’t imagine doing anything to scare her. She was his dream girl, princess, a delicate doll. He waited for her answer but she remained silent. He patiently asked twice; thrice…and her aloofness made him lost cool & eventually barked at her,

I asked who did this to you? Answer me, damn it?

Khushi jerked back in present while she was looking like a lost puppy. In an inaudible voice she told,

Shyam.” She stared at him blankly and said even coldly,

“He had taken away every color from my life.

Then she broke down. Arnav felt like committing suicide for making his doll cry.

“No..Doll….I mean…Khu… Khushi .. Please dont cry. Please. I am sorry.Please forgive me.

Sitting on his knees and holding his ears, the great Arnav Sen began to beg for her mercy. He desperately wanted to wipe those tears. But every single particles and wind in that room was preventing him to touch her. However, their “moment” ended with sudden query from Manorama Gupta.

Whats going on? Do you know her before?

“Yaah” Arnav answered directly looking at Khushi who has just stopped crying and also looking at him like a lost child.

Ohh!! I forgot. You are brother of that witch. She has ruined my daughters life and nibbled our son in law.

Arnav saw sudden changes in Khushi’s facial expression; pain in her hazel eyes. He saw res and instantly barked at Manorama.


This time Arnav shouted after tightly holding Khushi’s plams. He didn’t want to scare her anymore. Then turning back to Manorama, he ordered,

Bring something for her, milk , eggs and sweets. Nowwww.

“Arnav I…umm.. I am not hungry.

Khushi told avoiding to look at him.

I know. But you have to eat.

Change in octave of his voice was quite evident.

Are you insane? She is a widow. Rituals are going on. She cant…….”

Looking directly at Manorama with his red eyes, he shouted back.

At first shes a human. Go & get some food .Nowwwwww..

Manorama left murmuring curses for Arnav & Sashi immediately followed her. Turning to Khushi, again he asked softly,

Who is your doctor? I need to talk to him.

Looking at the floor, with little hesitation, she declared

Akash Roy

If someone had slapped him that would be better than hearing this name from Khushi ’s mouth.

“What the! Why?”

“ She…I mean..Anjali suggested.”

F**k.  Di again.

Giving her a surprised look, he asked again,

 Why didn’t you protest?

Even after a long pause he didn’t receive any answer. Arnav took no time to realize that it was always his ‘Di’ who played with Khushi ’s life & her emotions while Khushi always blindly followed her.


FLASH BACK: 8 years back

Last two months Arnav tried hard to console himself that his feeling for Khushi was just a mere infatuation & she was older than him. But he failed miserably. He deliberately kept his feeling as a secret from every-one. In between he met Khushi almost every day by chance for her only, because he wanted to see her exquisite face for his own sanity. Arnav was also happy to see Aman’s sudden seriousness about his relationship with Anjali. One day he received Aman’s call,

Hi, Arnav, tonight I am throwing a party at my home. Mom & dad are out of station. Would you come?

“Umm… Bhaiya… Who else are coming?”

“Not much…Anjalis friends & mine….. actually those who are common & close.”

“Ok. I am in.

Arnav was feeling like dancing at least two bhangra steps. Khushi will be there & he can’t miss this chance.


He reached the venue when part was in full swing. He scanned and found only 10 people were there. Surprisingly, Akash Roy was one of them. Although Akash & Aman were in same batch in same medical college & a family friend, but Arnav was surprised to see their sudden intimacy. They were never been so close to be present in a close niche party. But his eyes were only searching for a beautiful face that was sole responsible for his insomnia. Then he saw her serving cold-drinks with gloomy face. She was in royal blue. Arnav closed his eyes. She has something which led him to forget his every pain, tension whenever she is around. He approached towards her and spoke huskily.


Hi, Arnav. Wow! You are looking really handsome.”

Her eyes lit up instantly and she said happily while looking bit relieved.

“You are looking ethereal.” He cursed himself secretly after his sudden slip. But his stars were with him that day, he noticed a beautiful wave of crimson red to pass through her face and accumulate at her checks. He thought he would die for this sight but before he could Anjali screamed at him.

Hi Chhote. How are you? Long time yaa. You have forgotten your di.

“No way. I am always watching you. By the way we met just a day before yesterday.”

Saying this he showed her his flat’s keys. Two of them instantly burst into laughing. Suddenly Aman shouted at all of them,

Attention guys. Now we are going to play truth & dare. Are you ready?


Except Khushi , everyone screamed in affirmation.

I don’t want to play. I have to arrange dinner.

Arnav noticed that she wasn’t looking comfortable at all.

No way dearyou are going to play with us.

Anjali pulled her to sit with them while immediately Akash sat just opposite to Khushi and he winked at Anjali in an uncanny way. Arnav didn’t like it. He felt something was brewing in between them. Next 15mins they enjoyed a lot. Aman got truth & he had to share his 1st time who wasn’t of course Anjali. Arnav also got truth & his question was about his fantasies about maid servants. Luckily he was blessed with Prakash uncle at his home & whose mother Laxmi dadi had died 1 year after his birth, so easily he won. Now it was time for Aakash & surprisingly he chose ‘Dare’ from Anjali.

“Go & kiss on Khushi lips.” Anjali declared hastily.


Everyone except Arnav, Khushi & Akash screamed and began to clapping/ hooting for the scene.

“Ok guys. Its my pleasure.

Akash instantly agreed by raising his right hand. Arnav started fuming in rage.

No.Please. I cant.”

Khushi started pleading to everyone.

“Ohh.. Khushi its a part of game & you have to. Don’t act like a prude.

Anjali chided her with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“No.. I..”

Before she could tell further, Akash reached almost few inches apart from her. Holding her shoulders, Akash told,

 Relax Khushi .”

Bending towards her he continued,

Although its a dare for me but I want to make it memorable for us. I wanted to tell you long back, but today I want to confess, that I love you.

Then he bent his head to touch her lips. Pushing him roughly away from her & instantly hiding her mouth with her palm this time she begged Akash,

Please Akash. I cant” her eyes were teary.

Enough. This is utter nonsense.

Arnav shouted. At first he was shocked enough to react. But Khushi’s tears were enough to break his trance. He pushed Akash away from Khushi and almost dragged her out from the room. When they reached at the balcony, Khushi started weeping. He immediately took her in his arms. Please dont cry. Its ok. You are safe. Nobodys going to do anything against your wish. I am here with you.

Hugging him back she said

I want to leave this place. Please Arnav. Please..”

“Lets go.”

Holding each other’s hand when they reached at the exit door everyone rushed towards them.

“Arnav” “Chhote” “Khushi ”

Guys, it was just a prank.

Chhote, Akash loves Khushi & she was aware of that.

Arnav felt Khushi held him tightly as if her depends on that.

But you were aware that she doesnt love him. Why did you people are forcing her? She has full right to take any decision. I respect you all. Please next time dont do this with anyone. And Di, I never expect this from you.

Then looking at Aman he told,

“Sorry bhai! I cant stay here anymore. I think it wasn’t a prank.

He left the place dragging Khushi with him.


There was complete silence inside the car. Although he saw her weeping from corner of his eyes but he let her. She stopped crying when Arnav stopped his car with sudden break. She looked at him with utmost confusion.

“Just a sec.”

He immediately stepped out from the car & came back with a full pack of jalebi. Unknowingly giving him the biggest pleasure of his life, Khushi smiled at Arnav & took that packet from him.

“Thanks Arnav. I was hungry.”

Slightly bending towards her, Arnav asked mischieviously, For what?

For these jalebies.

He ignited the car while grinning like a child. His doll was happy. It was a heavenly feeling for him.


When they reached in front of her hostel, Arnav bid her good night looking straight to her hostel gate not at her. Suddenly he felt a soft petal like touch at his left check. He turned towards her with utmost surprise while she was looking at everywhere other than him. Her face was flushed & red due to shyness. His heart has just stopped with this view. Bending towards her then he returned a peck at her silky soft rosy check and said,

“Thanks. Khushi .”

For what?” 

She asked directly looking at him with sparkling eyes. Arnav thought, he would do anything to taste her most kissable moist pink lips. But suppressing a newly born demon inside his heart he replied moving closer to her,

For believing in me.

He saw her blushing but before he could tell or do further, she almost ran out from the car without looking back at content Arnav who was going to suffer for another sleepless stormy hormonal night.


Flashback end

“‘Doll..Umm..Khushi ”

He looked back at her and realized she was also staring at him.

Arnav. Today I just realized why Shyam started accusing me for adultery after our meeting with Akash. Now I have realized that it was Anjali who told him about Akash. It was Anjali who forced me & also convinced Shyam to consult with him even after my constant protest. I was a pathetic fool. Why didnt they tell me that they love each other? I hate them for making me such a fool. I hate them having in my life & making my life hell.

She resumed sobbing after roughly throwing the pillow which belonged to Shyam. Without thinking twice, Arnav took her into his embrace & whispered into her ears.

“Shhh!! No.No..Dont cry. You are my brave doll. Please dont cry.”

He was caressing at her back. Then slowly releasing her from himself, he held her chin up and asked like consoling a stubborn baby,

Do you want Jalebies? You will feel fine.

She nodded in affirmation in between few hiccups.

Agar Tum Saath Ho

CARPE DIEM! Chapter-11: Invisible thread


Arnav was pacing from one corner to another inside his bedroom. He needed to know about Khushi, her condition. She was pregnant and alone. He didn’t meet her for last one week after Shyam’s death. Only Arnav knew how he had controlled himself. Actually he couldn’t gather the courage to meet her again after 8 yrs. More specifically, he was scared for any sort of cruel rejections from her. That day, when her family left her in the hospital without any hesitation, he instantly realized that they were not going to take care of her at this stage. She was completely alone. But sudden realization of Khushi’s current status, gave him the courage to contact her family.

He took out his phone & unabashedly called her father who gave his number on that fateful day. He couldn’t waste a single second anymore when his doll needed some support. After so many years, with all massive changes in their respective lives, one thing remained constant, his unstoppable love for Khushi. He never met her within these 7 years. Whatever she did to him, it never bothered the great Arnav Sen whether Khushi loved him or not. He never stopped loving her. couldn’t see her in pain. Even on that day, almost 10 months after their break up he couldn’t able to hate or curse her when he saw her buying contraceptive pills.



“Hmm… helloUncle? I am Arnav…Dr. Arnav Sen. Umm….We met in hospital… Anjalis brother.

Without any introduction, Sashi Gupta started crying on other side.

Whaat happened? How is my ‘Doll’…I mean Khushi ?

Arnav’s heart was beating erratically.

“Khushi stopped responding to anyone. After that day, she has been silent. She isnt talking to anyone and only taking food after forcing. She has fainted several times. I have already lost my son-in-law. Now my girl, she is carrying heir of Sarkars. She should be cautious. I dont know why Shyam….”


“Don’t worry, I am coming. Did you inform her doctor? She is pregnant. Please inform her doctor immediately

He almost ordered Mr. Gupta in an arrogant as well as irritated tone. With an irregular & painful breathing, Arnav rushed out from his room. ‘Doll’ needed him now.


FLASH BACK: 8 years back

If somebody told that Arnav Sen had gone mad, that would be less. After that rainy encounter with Khushi almost 2 weeks back, he couldn’t able to get a proper sleep for a single night or concentrate properly in his study. His male hormones were severely active and sometimes a single thought of her brought about extreme shameful situation for him. That living doll had snatched away all his pain, tension while evoked an intolerable storm within his heart. As if she tied his whole existence with her using an invisible thread. He tried hard to find her out. But his every attempt went vain. Although she introduced herself as a medical student but she wasn’t in same batch. May be she lied to him. Arnav involuntarily placed his plam above his heart to dampen an intolerable pain. He had no idea how to find her.


Hello Arnav, Aman da  here.

Whats up bro?

“You are coming. I have planned a surprise birthday party for my new girl, Anjali  in ‘PEIPING, Park Street, tomorrow, at Sharp 2.

Sorry bhai. I am not feeling well. I..

You are coming. Forget about all issues. Uncle & aunty they are adults and both of them love you. Although they are not together they have their full attention on you. You should be happy about that. I want my old Arnav back and you are coming in my party. No arguments anymore. Bye


He cut the call and released a long breath. Last week, Arnav shifted to a new flat owned by his father as he couldn’t able to decide with whom he wanted to live. His parents seemed happy with his decision as both wanted him and considered that they had won partly in their battle. But nobody knew that after that rainy afternoon, Arnav and his thoughts had changed completely. He only desired to get his ‘doll’ nothing else.


When Arnav reached in front of the restaurant a yellow view instantly mended his wounded heart. Arnav began to hear his own heart beat. He was feeling like holding her very close to his heart and kiss her senseless. Then his reverie broke when he was taken in a sudden tight embrace.

Ahh!! Arnav! I love you. My bhai.. Thanks for coming. And now meet my girl Anjali.

“Hi, Anjali.. ummm Anjali di” Arnav shook his hand with Anjali but his eyes were on a ‘yellow anarkali’ clad angel standing a little behind of Anjali.

Ohh..How sweet of you. Thanks for calling me ‘Di’. Then I will call you Chhote. I always craved for a brother.

Wow nice!! You know me too. I always dreamt about an extended family. Atleast 2-3 sisters…3-4 brothers…sort of…. Today I got back my elder sister whom I might have lost in ‘Kumbh ki mela.”

He winked at her but eyes were still stuck on that exquisite face; mind was screaming, “Why the hell she is here?

May be Anjali read his mind & immediately she turned to Khushi and said,

Meet My class-mate, my best friend, my room-mate, my dearest, Khushi .”

Arnav felt someone has just punched him really hard. Khushi is his senior. He felt like swallowing more than 100 bitter tablets together. His dream girl is 2 years older than him. Suddenly he started feeling dizzy and when he opened his eyes he saw 3 pairs of eyes were concentrating on him as he was lying on a sofa of the waiting room of that restaurant fully drenched in sweats. Actually he was fainted after digesting that disastrous truth.

Arnav! What? Are you Ok?

“Yaah. Umm ..”

Are you pregnant Chhote

Anjali asked him making a mischievous puppy face and winked at him.

Shut up Anjali. Its not a time for joke. I told you about Arnav. Aunty & uncle…”

Aman da its ok. I am fine. Actually I couldnt able to sleep properly since last one week.

He explained directly looking at those worried unusually big hazel eyes. He told and rewarded with a sight of vanishing wariness and replacing with beautiful & kissable crimson red check.

“Arnav ! Lets go inside.


Four of them sat at the corner table where Arnav got his sit just beside Khushi. She was as usual clam & quite while Arnav’s eyes were fully on her. Though he couldn’t stop himself from looking at her, savoring her presence, he consoled himself for his sheer bad luck; Khushi is a senior and he had no chance. Altogether, their lunch was uneventful with normal chattering but Arnav & Anjali were bonded like long lost brother & sister.


Arnav, do me a favor.

“Shoot…What do you want? Arnav asked narrowing his eyes.

“Ummm…Actually me & Anjali wanted to spend some time together ALONEEE. And you place is…. Aman declared with no-nonsense voice at the end of lunch.

 “Shut up Aman..Chhote you can stay with us…”

Pulling Anjali closer to his chest Aman told,

Do you want Chhote in front of us when we will do that?

Shut up both Anjali & Arnav shouted in unison.

Arnav saw Khushi was looking downwards with a crestfallen face; she wasn’t looking comfortable.

Aman da, we should leave now. Arnav declared.

“Yaah…Definitely. I want your flat keys & you just drop Khushi at her hostel and stay outside upto 8pm playing with Anjali’s hair, Aman winked at Arnav

What? No way. Ma will kill me. You know her very well.

“Take a chill pill. Your Mama is on duty you will be all alone in your flat.”

“You bustard”

Yes I am. Now give me the key and drop Khushi as I say.” Aman & Anjali left leaving a shy soul alone with Arnav.


After they left, releasing a long sigh, Arnav opened passenger door for her and almost ran to driver’s it without checking whether she is inside or not. After a long silence during their way back to hostel, Khushi started the conversation.

“Umm. Arnav”

Being a diabetic Arnav always kept himself away from sweets. But hearing this suddenly he felt unfathomable urge to taste the source of sweetness. He never loved his name like before.

“Arnav” She asked again while her voice was shaking to suppress her cry. Instantly Arnav stopped his car at road side & turning to her asked,

Whaat the!….What happened? Are you ok? Do you need something? Please tell me. Have I done anything wrong? Why are you crying?

Khushi nodded her head in negative. Her eyes were full with unshed tears.

Is he a good boy? I mean Aman. Anjali is my best friend. Please dont let him break her heart.

Then tears began to roll down from her eyes.

“Khushi di… I mean Khushi… Its Ok. I mean please dont cry.”

He was impatiently running his hand into own hair.  He couldn’t able to gather other words. He hated crying. That time it was really tough for him because his living ‘doll’ was crying & he couldn’t do anything to console her. He knows everything about Aman. He was a playboy. Looking at him, Khushi said in a composed voice,

I know Anjali is moving really fast. You must be thinking that a middle class girl is throwing herself on a rich boy. But believe me she is really good girl. She told me, she really loves Aman

She stared at him with two wide yet hypnotizing expectant hazel eyes.


“Huh” Khushi raised her eyebrows in confusion. After a pause he started,

“Khushi , I havent made any opinion about anyone. Like you, today just I came to know about this. Believe me. I generally avoid hanging out with new people. But I felt that shes really a good girl. I hope Aman da has realized already.

He gave her a half smile as he knew the truth.

“Thanks Arnav.”  Arnav rewarded with a dazzling smile from Khushi which gave his heart a sudden ache in pleasure. In a husky voice he asked,

For what? I haven’t done anything.

For liking my best friend.

There was no one to stop Arnav from displaying his deadly smirk. Then he ignited his car but for his good luck immediately he had to stop; Khushi wished to have her favorite food, road side jalebis.


Making a pained faced he asked her Are you sure? Do you wana take these?

Yes. I love jalebi. I can die or do anything for jalebi.

Arnav was completely spellbound as he couldn’t digest his current situation. He is standing in front of a small stall with a senior girl, his first ever crush; who had no idea about his feeling and she is moaning dangerously and gulping jalebis like there is no tomorrow. He stared at her and lost into her every animated adorable facial expression. He thought ‘mama is definitely going to kill me if she heard any of these’ but whispered involuntarily,

Doll, one day will you be mine?

Yes!!!! Did you say anything?

His reverie broke with Khushi ’s sudden question.

’No..No.. Not at all…Have you done? ”

Last one. Do you need a..

I am diabetic. Its genetic.”

Ohh!! I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine living without  sugar. Poor fellow. Now, let me finish these fast.

She resumed devouring her jalebies.

After atleast 10 mins, when they were returning to the place where they parked the car, suddenly a bike just passed by inches from Khushi’s side at very high speed which made Khushi almost jumped into fear. Arnav who was fast enough to pulled her to land on his chest. Both of them became numb with this sudden incident. He stood holding the most desirable, severely shivering soft body within his arms. He forgot to breath. Only thing he didn’t forget, to pray for this moment to stop forever. After few moments, he regained his composure and stated,

“Its ok Khushi . You are safe with me.

But that day 19 yrs old Arnav Sen, realized one thing that he needed to win this doll exclusively for saving his own life. There is no other life line left for him.

“Thanks Arnav.”

She murmured. Arnav felt her irregular breath on his chest.

“For what”

“For holding me so tight and saving my dear life.”

She looked at him with mischievous glints at her eyes & both of them broke into laugh.


Arnav stopped his car with sudden break in front of Sarkar mansion. His breathing was as irregular as it was on that day. But things had changed drastically, that day ‘doll’ was within his arms and today he wanted to hold her but he couldn’t. Like sand, she had been slipped through his fingers long before.


CARPE DIEM! Chapter-10: Alone & Bliss

After entering their bedroom Khushi slowly closed the door. As her legs refused to move further, she slowly fell on her knees just in front of the door. Her mind was busy in recollecting her days with her husband. Yesterday, Shyam touched her, right here…. but today, tonight he is no more. Why did he come into her life? Why?  Why did he succeed to get a place in her heart after all humiliation he had been doing for last 7 yrs? Why did he leave her so easily when she devoted herself completely into this marriage? Why did he go to Anjali when every inch of her body & soul was dedicated to him? Yaah! His sudden death made her understand, she devoted herself to him because he was the only one who can complete her with a baby. Now what she would do? How would she protect her baby from all nasty discussions about its father? Her mind instantly drifted towards her last ever conversations with Shyam when she went to meet him.


Khushi entered into ICU and saw that Shyam was lying almost lifelessly but his eyes were opened; staring at her intently. She slowly walked to his bed and sat beside him. Carefully holding his completely paralyzed left hand, she rasped few muddled words in low trembling voice.

Shyam, when? Why?You & Anjali…?”

Suppressing all the shame he was feeling at that moment, Shyam declared incoherently,

Last five years. I…..hmmm… just carried away…I …ummm…Still…Always….Love you. It was just.Is she…?”

Without letting him finish, leaving a deep breath she answered him back, “She is dead

Shyam had closed his eyes instantly. Then clearing her throat, entwined her fingers with him and bending closer to him she mumbled,

“I should term it as a day of earth shattering revelation- a day of revelation of all dark truths in your life.  Now, I have decided to share mine. Would you mind? Shyam.

“J…JJ.. Ja…an!”  Shyam’s faculty of speech was deteriorating with each passing second. But Khushi become annoyed with his call.

Ohh.. Please dont call me jaan. Now it mocks.

Then staring at his eyes, hovering on shyam’s face, she moved her lips just few inches apart from Shyam’s & declared in austere voice,

Shyam, I didnt bleed after our first intercourse. You didnt realize that day. You aren’t the first man in my life. As I did it after almost 10 months and immediately covered myself, you felt like having a virgin body.

Shyam’s eyes went wide open but Khushi failed to recognize the emotions in them; anger or betrayed.  Keeping her eyes on him, she continued,

Sorry Shyam, I am extremely sorry for brutally snatching your pride at this moment. But you need to know it.

She moved farther and brushed her lips with Shyam. Suddenly she felt happy at his attempt to refuse her touch at that vegetative state.

I wasnt a virgin when you used my body for the first time, without my wish. At that moment, I abhorred your every touch. Those creepy hungry touches always reminded me the man I loved, how he worshiped every inch of my body.

Shyam’s eyes turned into blood red. It was a kind of death sentence for him at this condition when his has only few hours left to live. But he wasn’t in a condition to react more than this. She bent more and took his bruised lower lip in her. Few seconds later, she emerged as a lady who just kissed her husband. Gazing at him, then she smiled painfully and stated in composed yet playful manner,

I think we are the best couple in this world; both of us has ditched others. I have already received my share of punishment for ditching you as you went to Anjali. You gave me the shame of lifetime; a woman who cant fulfill the physical need of her husband. Now its time to get yours. You should die. You deserve this shameful death. You deserve to miss the chance to hold our baby. Yes, I mean it. Our baby is symbol of my love. I truly loved you when you planted it within me.

Khushi can’t hold herself anymore. Her eyes went teary and her voice chocked at last few sentences.

I think I need to leave now. I cant see you dying in front of my eyes. I have seen enough deaths, death of all of my dreams. I cant see more.

Again bending over him holding his face with her plams, once gain she placed a small peck at his already bruised lips & said

Good bye Shyam. Please dont ever try to meet me even in my dreams.

Then she sprinted out from the cabin leaving a speechless Shyam who was then silently cursing himself not for turning a deaf after this accident and began to pray for immediate death.


Jerking back to reality, clutching her lower abdomen tightly, she screamed, cried in agony for Shyam, for her baby, for her every ruined dream and also for the first time in last 7 years, for herself. When she became tired enough, she lied down lifelessly on the floor. But sleep refused to sooth her pains. She stayed like that when everyone took Shyam’s body for cremation screaming the sacred chant; after they came back after few hours without any essence of Shyam. At the midnight, when relatives came to her room to wipe out all the symbols of Shyam’s existence from her body except her baby, she obediently followed their every instruction. Like her 1st night as Shyam’s bride, only at wee hour in the morning, she got her desired sleep with a new attire, white saree and blank partition in fully wet hair, devoid of any ornaments. Earlier, she was empty with Shyam. Now, without him she once again turned empty, except her ovary.  Now onwards she would be called a widow, a widow of late Shyam Sarkar. She would be blissfully alone.


CARPE DIEM! Chapter-9: “Doll”

It was a heart wrenching day for Arnav. Sitting at a recliner at the poolside of his ancestral house, he was engrossed into the thoughts of today’s events.

Di is dead. She had an affair with a married man and that man was none other than her best friend, Khushi’s husband.

Suddenly he felt a murderous rage inside his heart for that deceased bustard for playing with two most important people in his life. He started cursing himself for letting her go 8 years back, that too for this bastard.

She was too precious to leave but being the dumbest one he let her go forever; never forced her to stay with him.

He punched hard at the wooden centre table in front of him. Then rubbing his moist eyes he stared at the stagnant moonlit pool.

How dared that Shyam cheated on his ‘doll, his Khushi? He deserved to be rot in hell.

His mind travelled to 8 years back when Khushi told him, she never loved him; she was just attracted towards him. Then after 1 year of their break up, she married to that scumbag. That bastard made her pregnant when he was in relationship with his Di. Arnav couldn’t think anymore. Holding his head tightly from both sides, he thought how hard he tried to move on from the clutch of Khushi’s memory. Before Lavanya came into his life, he hardly spent time with any girls other than being physical. It was his parents who blackmailed him to meet Lavanya. Rest was a history. He was attracted by the fresh beauty of Lavanya only because of her uncanny similarities with Khushi. She shared a stark resembles with Khushi and rejunevated her memory all over again. He tried hard to stay away from her but failed miserably. In their first date, although he confessed her that he couldn’t marry her but he blatantly expressed his wish to spend some more times with her. That day, on the way back home, he failed to stop his inner demon and kissed her senseless not only to satiate his physical hunger but to vent out his suppressed needs for Khushi. But Lavanya was a most innocent and beautiful soul he had ever encountered after Khushi. Last 1 year, she had become an integral part of his life; he felt a strong emotional attachment as well as physical need for her. She had become his habit.

Despite of Lavanya’s presence in his life still he felt an unstoppable pull towards Khushi when he saw her in hospital after 7 long years. She was his first and last love. His every past relation except Lavanya was ended abruptly because of his undying love for Khushi. He tried hard to love Lavanya, to give her respect what she deserves but he failed miserably. Whenever he tried to give himself a second chance to love Lavanya, Khushi’s invisible hold stopped him immediately. Being loved by someone is a heavenly feeling but loosing true love of life is more pathetic than hell. Arnav Sen has experienced everything with and without Khushi. He was scarred with a failed first love and could not love anyone. Although he was emotionally attached with Lavanya but could not give her his heart where Khushi ruled and would stay forever.

Flashback (8 years before)

It was 4th day in his new collage, despite of heavy rain; 19 yrs old Arnav Sen was standing under a tree at the secluded corner of his college campus on this Saturday afternoon. His car was parked at a distant place. It was not because he loved rain or loved to roam around alone in his new college, but he needed some peaceful times alone to think. Few days back, his parents declared that they had planned for divorce and wanted to start living separately. It was his turn to declare with whom he wanted to live because both of them deliberately wanted to keep him. Tomorrow he had to give his answer.

He was standing under a tree being fully drenched in continuous rain; suddenly under a far away royal poinciana tree, a blurred vision of red caught his attention. That fully bloom poinciana tree resembled like flame among bright green, rejuvenated trees. At first he ignored as that tree was full bloomed and it was obvious that due to heavy rain its bottom would be covered by the petals. Suddenly he saw movements of that ‘red’. To get the proper view he approached towards that. Upon reaching few feet away from the tree, his heart stopped beating before starting with a dangerously accelerated speed. He saw the most beautiful sight he could ever imagine- an exquisite face: fresh, pure & ethereal. He stared at her like a thirsty Arab beduine who just found an oasis. After moment of complete halt in his world and sense, his trance broke with a thunder. Being a male child he always craved for guns &cars. Never liked specifically he always hated dolls. But today all in sudden he had realized that he should possess a doll for himself. He will be the luckiest one to have this living doll entirely for him. He could only able to whisper two words, ‘My Doll

His regained his senses when he heard her yelp. Going closer to her he saw that she was sitting in the mud holding her right ankle and looking pale due to being extremely drenched in rain. Although her dress was fully dirty with mud but rain drops were looking like pearls at her porcelain like skin. Her shivering pink lips had turned juice like pulpy. Being a adult virgin boy, his mind voluntarily began to imagine the taste of those lips. Looking at her reddish hazel eyes he couldn’t comprehend that those were watery whether for her tears or for rain water.

“Ahhh!! Maaa !!!! Its paining? Holding her ankle she cried again.

Hey! Whats happened? Please dont cry. Tell me, why are you here? This is really a lonely place. Please dont cry.”

She said in her hiccups,

I was coming back from market when it started raining. I waited under a tree for almost 1hr. As this place is little scary & I was alone, I thought at least I could run up to the main building. But I slipped here. Now I cant even walk. Please help me. Its really hurting.

She started to brawl like a baby. Although it was their first meeting, but he realized that he couldn’t see her in pain. Her every tear was punching hardly at his heart. Arnav desperately wanted to hug her tightly to ebb away all her pains.

“Dont worry. You will be fine with me. I am here. I will manage. Please stop crying.”

He stooped over her and without taking her permission or looking at her, he picked her up into his strong muscular arms. In this process he realized that she was extremely soft & light like sponge. But growing man within Arnav shuddered when without any hesitation she firmly held his collar for support and her breathing began to fan his neck. As her soft swells pressed at his masculine hard chest his resistance broke and he automatically looked down at her. He gasped silently after noticing her almost visible nipples under her wet red cotton kurti which was hugging her body like second skin. Arnav felt sudden painful yet pleasurable electric current was pinching at his lower abdomen of his 19 years old virgin body and also below than that. That feeling was really splendid and different which he never felt before with any other girls, even after watching any porn. He silently prayed to freeze that moment forever.


Arnav carried her to his car & opening the passenger side door he made her sit. He murmured to himself rain had no intention to stop today. Its a really a wet-day for me in every sense. Then he sat on his one knee and bent to take her foot in his hand. Carefully placing it at his knee and controlling his urge to kiss her soft bare foot, he said.

It may hurt a little but you will be fine.

She immediately nodded in affirmation by pressing her lips in anxiety and closed her eyes. He twisted her ankle into both sides in a swift motion and in accordance she yelped while fisting his shoulder in a death grip. Then after last twist, she seemed look like normal with heavy and irregular breathing. Looking up at her who was then almost stooping over him, he asked in husky voice,

“Are you fine?”

She slowly opened her eyes and replied in a sweetest voice which Arnav had ever heard.

“Yes. Thanks a lot.”

Her face was almost blood red which made her even more beautiful and utmost desirable.

I will drop you. Tell me where you live?

Still caressing as her foot, he asked involuntarily.

“Girlshostel. I am a medical student.

Her reply was as instant as her movements to free her foot from his grip.

“Ohh.Umm Ok. I will drop you.” He stood up in front of her. Then hesitantly Arnav said by looking at everywhere other than her,

Hmm. Ah..h. Please dont get me wrong. You need to cover yourself.

“Hmm…” She looked at him with clueless eyes. But immediately looking down at herself she crossed her arms to cover her kurti clad breasts. Arnav became surprised on himself when he shamelessly or might be possessively extended his hand to take the dupatta from her neck to spread it like a shawl around her upper body part.

“Now its fine. Lets go.”

He smiled at her & in return was rewarded with her extremely kissable blushing. Just for a second his heart skipped a beat.


Way back to drop Khushi at her hostel, inside that car was almost pin drop silence except long irregular breathing of both passengers. Arnav felt like losing something precious after reaching at the main gate of girls’ hostel. Before she could leave the car, turning towards her he told,

Hi! I am Arnav. Arnav Sen. I am also a medical student. I..

I am Khushi . I mean Khushi Gupta.

Though they were shaking hands, Arnav was only staring at her moist fleshy lips. Those were making him insane by working as a positive catalyst for his male hormones.

Then she told, “Thanks Arnav.”

Still holding her hands he asked her,

For what?

For ebbing away my pain

Directly looking at him she flashed a smile of gratitude & went out from the car. Before entering inside the main hostel door, she again turned towards him & showered him with another precious dazzling smile. Immediately like a chant he whispered “Doll” and ignited engine of his car.

Present day

Arnav jerked back from his past into the harsh reality. He realized that he was sleeping in the recliner. He stood up silently. Before opening the glass sliding door to enter his bed room, he took a deep breath & mumbled mainly to console himself,

“Doll, we werent destined to be together because you never loved me.


 Neend gayi chain gaya
Saawan bin rain gaya
Main jaanu kya hai ye raaz

Main naate tod aaya
Yaar kahin chhod aaya
Bin sargam jaise hon saaz

Par dil kare to kya kare
Par dil kare to kya

Mere dil ki raahein
Yun gumsum veeraan hain
Jaise hon ye bhi naaraaz

Dil unko yaad kare
Raatein barbaad kare
Par keh na paaye ye raaz

Mann kare bhulaa dun gile
Na rahein shiqve gile
Tujh ko doon aise aawaaz

Par dil karay to kya karay
Par dil karay to kya

Thay jin se dil ke waaste
Kyun ban gaye wo faasley

Par dil kare to kya kare
Par dil kare to kya

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